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This week's hot topic π₯
This week we're talking about when doing the work isn't working
Hey Reader
It's annoying. The journalling, meditation, walking - it's not working. Why?
I see you there, wondering why everyone else seems to be having these magical breakthrough moments while you're still wrestling with the same old patterns. Let me be clear, you're not doing it wrong. And you're definitely not alone.
I've been in this space too. Checking all the self-development boxes - morning pages, check. Mindset work, check. Workouts, check. But something still felt off. And then it hit me: I wasn't really doing inner work. I was doing inner homework. And I have enough to do.
See, there's this sneaky thing that happens when we get really good at personal development. We turn it into another performance metric. Another way to prove our worth. Another thing to excel at.
A real wtf moment.
I've learned this the hard way. Sometimes our dedication to "doing the work" is actually a sophisticated way of hiding from ourselves. It's like we're reading the manual about swimming while sitting safely on the edge of the pool.
The real question isn't "Am I doing enough inner work?"
It's "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped trying to fix myself?"
Shame doesn't go away just because we understand it intellectually. Trust me, I've tried to outsmart my shame with psychology books and therapy jargon.
What does work? Getting radically honest about where we're using "self-improvement" as a shield.
Try this:
Next time you catch yourself in self-development mode, pause and ask:
β"Am I doing this from a place of love or a place of fixing?"
"What would it feel like to be enough exactly as I am right now?"
"What if there's nothing wrong with me?"
The shift from shame to self-love isn't about adding more tools to your personal development toolkit. It's about putting down the tools sometimes and just... being.
Here's what that might look like:
- Catching yourself in the "I should be further along by now" spiral and responding with "I'm exactly where I need to be"
- Noticing when you're using busyness (even personal development busyness) to avoid feeling your feelings
- Allowing yourself to be messy, imperfect, and gloriously human
Here's what nobody tells you in all those self-help books: The path to genuine self-love often looks like loving yourself even when you think you're not "doing enough."
Your invitation this week (if you choose to accept it):
- Can you love yourself enough to stop trying to fix yourself, just for today?
- Can you be as gentle with your progress as you would be with a dear friend's?
- Can you trust that your awareness itself is healing, even when it doesn't feel like enough?
Remember: You're not behind. You're not doing it wrong. And your worth isn't measured by how well you do your inner work.
You're already whole. Even the parts of you that don't believe that yet.
With care,
Aims
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